Bipolar and shopping.

Being bipolar makes it very hard to do rational shopping,  especially if I’ve had a bad day. I used to think it was just a really impulsive habit, but it makes sense it’s linked back to bipolar. Yesterday I put 46 dollars on my credit card when I didn’t need to. It drives me crazy. It’s like I try to rationalize spending money when I shouldn’t be. I need to hide my credit card.

Being bipolar and dealing with stress.

Wow it has been back to back calls here! I hope you all are having a good day! I thought I would share some insight on what it’s like to take phone calls at a call center while being bipolar. It is not easy, I have to keep reminding myself that when people are upset to not let it get to me, easier said then done right? 

You can easily go manic if someone is upset, I take anxiety meds and those help. Support is very much needed,  if I feel I need to log off to calm I will track my time and let my manager know. I enjoy the job and I like the challenge. I hope all of you have a good day and I will make a update soon! 

Being bipolar, it’s not the end. 

I know you’ve had it hard. I know you’ve been judged, you’ve been insulted. You feel as though no one understands. I want you to know that I understand. You’re not alone. You have a chance of a life, don’t let others around you bring you down. My psychiatrist told me to go on disability, and I tried that. But when I got myself out of my previous relationship I flourished. It took me so long to not be scared to try.

But please never stop trying. You are special, and being bipolar doesn’t mean shit. We need to come together. We got this,  it’s not easy but we got this.  

I have something frightening to say.. I will be coming off of Seroquel.

I remember what it used to feel like before I needed to be put on medication. The thrill of being hyper, making risky decisions. I didn’t know I had a mental disorder. Who thinks they will be affected by something that’s so controversial? I can no longer sleep on my own, I take 600 milligrams of Seroquel XR a night. I’ve gained over 20 pounds due to the sugar cravings. I’m sluggish, lethargic, and I have developed a stutter. But now that I’m in a better place physically and mentally I feel like I need to be put on something that isn’t so hard, the only reason I was put on Seroquel in the first place was because I was so stressed out that I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat.. I couldn’t function. My psychiatrist tried everything, but her main drug to go to was Seroquel. This stuff has affected my vision and a bunch of other things. Now that I want to be put on something different there’s the scary realization that I will go through withdrawals. Hardcore withdrawals. Some people have said it’s like coming off of Heroine withdrawals.

What the hell?

I never asked to be signed up for something so harsh and drastic. I just wanted to sleep. After going weeks without being able to sleep I was put on something that is affecting my overall health. But all the doctors I’ve seen say how much I need Seroquel, that my life will be a lot harder without it. I think that’s a bunch of crap. They are making a lot of money off of people who can’t function without it. They have created a bunch of mindless zombies that can only function on hardcore medication, why not just lock me up with a straight jacket and take away my rights? That’s literally how I feel right now. I will be seeing a new psychiatrist April 20th. And I will tell them that I want to come off of Seroquel, I want to be put on something that’s not so devastating. I don’t think these kinds of drugs are supposed to be taken for the rest of your life. I have been taught how to cope, I take a 25 milligram anxiety medication that helps me out a lot.

I know, I know.

But why stop taking it if it’s helping you?

I am miserable. My vision has to be checked every 6 months. I try to diet but I unintentionally gain weight instead of losing it. You can’t stop taking Seroquel. It owns you. You are now its slave! I am a little scared that the withdrawals are so bad that it might affect my job, I would do a gradual and slow withdrawal, I’m not crazy enough to come off of it altogether and go cold turkey. I think that is dangerous.  I am crossing my fingers the transition is a smooth one, but I am also excited because that marks a new journey! I want to prove to people who are bipolar, and are desperate for answers..

Please don’t give up. There is hope. Please reach out to me if you have any questions.

Back from a long break! Update time!

Hello all of you! I am finally break from a long break, and I’m ready to get back into things. I am now 31 years old, almost 32. Time feels like it’s flying by. I am now remarried, and I live in Utah. I am the happiest I’ve been in a very long time, and I now am holding down a full-time job. If anyone tells you that you can’t do something don’t listen to them! I am happy that I now have a daily routine to follow by. I work at a call center, sometimes talking to people all day can be very mentally tiring, and sometimes I try not to let the people get to me if they are upset. I am still trying to get my writing out there and hopefully, eventually.. If I try hard enough, I can support myself by writing alone. I know I write alot about bipolar disorder, and that is my main focus when I write. I find it very therapeutic. But I want to write about other things, like horror and maybe even possibly romance, I have tried the self-publishing route but my book covers suck.

I finally decided to get my USB I have my stories backed up on out and see what I want to re-read, I finished my first book awhile ago but I still feel like it’s not ready to put it out there yet, officially, even though it’s been edited! Maybe if I gauge enough interest on my blog I might post samples perhaps. I know I’ve posted stuff in the past but I’m trying to slowly put it out there, after failing with self-publishing on Amazon I feel I need a slower approach. I need reviews, real live reviews. My book may not be Fifty Shades of Grey but I feel like the story is good, and the grammar doesn’t suck. I mean, I may not write about sex but I think I have a fair shot, I think anyone does. Anytime I go to the book store or Wal-Mart I see tons of people that got their stuff published, I may not be as good as Stephen King, but I have to think I have some kind of creativeness about me.

I drive about 36 miles to get to work too and from every day, they let you listen to music at work as long as it’s not too loud. It helps keep me busy. But what I really want to do is write, I could do that all day. I have been playing that new Zelda game on the Nintendo Switch, Breath of The Wild, it is a lot of fun! Well, I think I am done with my update for the day, I promise I will keep making regular posts about my daily routine. One day at a time!